Process vs. Results - 25K Reflections

So I've been thinking about running a lot recently, which tends to happen to runners. And yes, I call myself a runner now. I've always heard people say a really long run is a metaphor for life; it has its highs and lows and the run is a journey through all these moments until you get to the finish line.  And this is what I've been thinking a lot about, the finish line. Was it a good finish, a bad finish?  Did I achieve my goals or fall short?  Am I "happy" with my "results"?  And the more I think about this the more I realize that this attitude is sort of a black hole of self judgement.  Am I a fast runner, am I a slow runner?  Am I good at running or bad at running?  Am I good at math or bad at math?  Am I good at spelling or bad at spelling? Am I a good driver or a bad driver (okay maybe this one is sort of important)

Putting adjectives onto myself is so easy to do, and yet goes completely against any desire for self-acceptance and self-love.  How can I love myself if I'm constantly asking myself if I'm good enough.  We have enough of other people judging our looks, actions and fashion choices; why do we need to pile it on ourselves?

So to the topic of this blog, process vs results.... I just finished reading a book called "The Happy Runner" which talks a lot about this... and the first thing it reminds you of is that at the end of it all, we will all be dead....and really isn't that the final finish line?  The book goes on to say if there's one thing you can guarantee in running is that for a period of time you will get faster, and then reach your peak, and then you will get slower, if injuries don't sideline you completely for a bit, and so if you judge your worth only on results then aren't you just setting up for disappointment?

To go deeper, if my biggest goal in life is to run an 8 min / mile, or to get a promotion to Director of Awesome Company, or to finally purchase that Aston Martin sports car, what happens when I get there?  Am I happy forever?  What happens if I don't get there?  Am I devastated with life?

And this is why I love this idea of process over results.  If life is a journey, then the goals and achievements on that journey are great moments in the timeline but they are not the only thing that define us.  The journey will have good and bad,  and we should try to give equal weight to each, because they are just moments along the long run of life.

I made a goal in January to run a 25K trail race, and yesterday I completed that goal.  And as I trained for this race, I worked on getting longer runs in during the week and building my mileage up.  I did some speed runs and started running trails with hills.  I got out of my comfort zone and started running with groups, many of whom were much quicker than me or could power hike up a hill like nobody's business, but they pushed me and gave me confidence.  I also got sidelined with bronchitis, went on a vacation that threw my training plan for a loop, had charlie horse cramps for 2 weeks and slept like crap the week before the race.  So come race day, the results of my race were nowhere where I wanted them to be in my mind.  And this had me down for a day... until I remembered process vs. results.  Here I was judging myself, good vs bad, fast vs. slow, and in an instant I had forgotten everything about the journey.  And that journey is where all the juice is, where all the stories live, and truly where you find all the happy tears of self love.

So whether my results were a personal record or I crawled across the finish line, at the end it doesn't matter. What matters is the journey; accepting that the world is going just they way it is at that moment, and we don't always have control over the outcomes, but we do have control over our attitudes to those outcomes. I am choosing to embrace the journey.

If you are interested in reading more about the Happy Runner, check out this excerpt

https://trailrunnermag.com/training/the-happy-runner-an-excerpt-from-david-and-megan-roches-new-book.html

  If you are interested in reading more about this idea of self acceptance without judgement, or if you are maybe 'not your average runner'  check out Jill Angie.  I could write a whole other blog on my reflections on a talk she did a couple months ago.
https://notyouraveragerunner.com/